Ask and Ye Shall Receive - Questions Every Girl Should Ask

We seem to be surrounded lately by a sea of blooming love and are enjoying (mostly) watching young couples grow in their love for each other and plan for upcoming wedding nuptials.  It brings to mind my own dating season with Rich and the way we got to know each other.  We spent the first months getting to know each other through writing only.  As a widow with children at home, I wanted to make sure that I could find out everything I could about Richard so that I could enter into a courtship with him with my eyes wide open.  I thought I would share with you SOME of the questions I asked him before we ever met in person and some I asked him afterwards.  This is only a partial list but it is quite extensive.  Some questions were meant to be lighthearted and funny to pave the way for serious ones.  Whether you agree or not, I believe you should also ask the embarrassing questions so you are as informed as you need to be.  I pray God uses this to be a help and open the door for conversations between courting couples, parents and children, and even married couples who have lost the enjoyment of conversation.  And may it stir within you a desire to stick to your standards, raise your standards, and most of all seek God's best for you in a mate.

Please do not try to ask and answer all these questions in one night, as one of my friends tried to do. :)

If you were to die today, do you know 100% that you are going to heaven?
Tell me how you know that.
What kind of church do you attend?
Are you actively involved in your church? 

How big is your church? 

Do they preach in Creek or other tribal tongues? 

Are you involved in other tribal activities? 

How do you feel about your pastor?  Do you respect him? 

Why have you stayed single all this time?

What is your favorite verse in the Bible and why? 

What version of the Bible do you read?

How often do you lose your temper?
How important is it to you that your partner be accepted by your family and friends?
How trusting are you?
How do you feel about premarital sex?
How often do you find yourself laughing?
When in a relationship, how much personal space do you generally find you need?
What best describes your parents' relationship towards each other?
What best describes your attitude toward work?
How organized are you?
Financially, how would you characterize yourself?

Describe an interest you have that you would truly hope your partner could share with you.
If you could accomplish only one thing during the rest of your life, what would it be?
Describe your spirituality.
What are you looking for in a relationship partner?

How long was your last relationship and what caused it to end? 

What are you looking for in a relationship? 

Do you have children? 

Do you want more children? 

Are you a registered Republican, Democrat or other and did you vote in the last election? 

Have you guarded your purity in your singleness? 

How do you feel about bi-racial marriages and bi-racial children? 

How do you feel about drinking?  Socially or otherwise? 

As a single man with the internet at home, are you tempted to look at pornography? 

Would you say that any type of pornography is in your life, be it the internet, magazines, books you read, or movies you view? 

Do you go to movie theatres?

What is your limit regarding viewing movies:  G, PG, PG-13, R or otherwise? 

Have you ever been arrested? 

Do you smoke or use other types of tobacco products? 

Tell me about your job, what you do and do you enjoy it. 

Does your pastor know you are looking for a mate? 

Do you have close guy friends? 

Who do you usually hang out with on a "hang out night"? 

What do you and your friends usually like to do for fun? 

What is your favorite restaurant? 

Have you lived in OKC all your life? 

Are your parents alive and do you have a good relationship with them?

Is your church is liberal or conservative in their music? 

Do you use a hymnbook? 

Does your preacher prescribe to one version of the Bible when he preaches?

Do you laugh often?

How many siblings do you have?  Are you close with all of them?

Do you enjoy cards, boardgames, etc?

Is your brother married and do you have nieces and nephews to spoil? 

How often do you see your mother? 

Are you a dutiful son or a devoted son? 

Are you faithful to church for Sunday School and Morning worship? 

Does your church have mid-week services and do you attend?

Are you a faithful tither and giver to missions?

What kind of car do you drive?

What kind of car do you want to drive?

Do you like spicy foods?

How is your health?  Do you have any ailments or take medication?

Do you own your own home?

As a drafter, is your penmanship neat?

Do you cook real food or eat out of a box?

Star Trek or Star Wars?

Sitcoms or Drama?

Far-sighted, Near-sighted, or Astigmatism?

How often do you pray?

What do you pray for?

How open do you feel you can be with your partner in communicating your wants, desires, or even just discussing everyday life?

Are you lonely?

Or have you been content being single?

Are your parents in good health? 

Do your parents and your brother know Christ as their personal Saviour?  Do they attend church with you?

OU or OSU?

Do you see yourself as being able to spiritually lead a family? (Or at least willing)

Do you see yourself as being able to read the Bible and pray with your wife?

Pepsi or Coke?

Would you be willing to attend a marriage seminar (i.e., Family Life Today) before or after you marry?

Taco Bueno or Taco Bell?  (this is an important question in my family)

Did I ask, do you desire children?

My children aren't necessarily in need of a father at this age.  Is it going to hurt your feelings if they do not acknowledge you as a father figure? (I'm not saying that can't happen).

Can you love someone else's children as if they were your own?

Tea? Sweet or Unsweet?

If the Lord leads, you would become stepdad to 6 kids and grandpa to 7--does that scare you?

Do you think you would be jealous if I talked about my husband or if my children talked about their father?  (The 3 younger ones were so small and have so few memories of him that I try to always tell them things that he did.)

Toilet Paper - over or under?

And last but not least, are you willing to relocate to Tulsa (I'm only kidding!)

What has God done for you this week that you praised Him for?

If you could do one thing over in life, what would it be?

Do you eat breakfast?

Left or right side of the bed?

Do you feel more comfortable in a pair of jeans or a pair of slacks.

How long have you been at your current job and is this the type of work you have done all your life?

You never said what the last book was that you read?  (You do read don't you?!)

Do all your friends and family call you Richard or do you have nicknames?

I fold my all my plastic wal-mart bags and put them in a box to re-use? Do you think that is weird?

Do you squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom or in the middle?

Do you drink milk from the carton?

Are you an organized person?

Are you a neat freak?

Does dirt or dust bother you?

Do you have any allergies?

Are you a meat and potatoes person or will a salad be ok for supper?

(ALSO – ON OUR FIRST DATE – AT THE END – I TALKED TO HIM ABOUT SEX – I CAN’T REMEMBER ALL THE QUESTIONS BUT IT INCLUDED)

How many women have you been with?  (Of course, his answer was none, so a lot of my follow-up questions were not necessary but included….)

Have you had unprotected sex with women?

Have you ever been tested for Hep C? HIV? AIDS?  Or felt you should be tested?

Are there any baby momma’s out there?

Are you willing to be tested for HIV, HEP C, and AIDS?

Do you have good feet?

Do you give foot massages?

Tell me about your mother - what kind of person is she. 

What kind of wife and mother has she been. 

What is your favorite memory of her.

Tell me about your dad? 

What kind of a husband is he?

What makes you cry?

What makes you laugh?

Have you ever had a moment that took your breath away?  What was it and why?

What is your favorite color and why?

Do you like to cuddle or do you think you'd like to cuddle? 

Does anything scare you?

Rate these in order of importance to you:

Job, wife, God, children, yourself, church, family, friends

Rate these in order of preference: (You don't necessarily have to be familiar with them just your preference to type of food)

The Olive Garden

LoneStar Steakhouse

The Rib Crib Bar-B-Que

On The Border-Mexican  

Ron's Hamburgers

Eggroll Express

McAlester's Deli

Do you have any prayer requests that I can pray with you about?
What are three things that you would like to do together?

I've included an excerpt from Josh Harris on courtship.  It was the grow and guard statement that got my attention:.

I believe that in a God-glorifying, wisdom-guided courtship we have two central priorities. The first is to treat each other with holiness and sincerity; the second is to make an informed and wise decision about marriage.

In courtship our goals should be to grow and guard. We want to grow closer so we can truly know each other's character, but we also want to guard each other's hearts because the outcome of our relationship is still unknown.

At the beginning of a courtship a man and woman don't know if they should get married. They need to get to know each other, observe each other's character, and find out how they relate as a couple. This is what it means to grow closer. But the fact that the future is unknown should also motivate them to treat each other with the kind of integrity that will allow them to look back on their courtship without regret, regardless of the outcome.

Second Corinthians 1:12 sums up what every Christian couple should be able to say at the end of a courtship:

Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, in the holiness and sincerity that are from God. We have done so not according to worldly wisdom but according to God's grace.

Instead of making engagement the finish line of courtship, our goal should be to treat each other in a godly manner, make the right choice about marriage, and have a clear conscience about our actions.


Let me close this long post by saying....As you get to know each other, do not get the cart before the horse but make sure you really get to know each other and do not blur the lines of friendship with passion without commitment. Be careful to not stir or arouse feelings that cannot be righteously fulfilled. You are special to God and deserve His best.